Trust is Everything
The cost of lying crisis
“The liar's punishment is not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else.” – George Bernard Shaw.
Ouch… I know. But it’s a profound insight into the slow-roasting hell of mistrust and disorientation that comes from lying.
It’s not just that others stop trusting you; you stop trusting them.
Lying makes you assume everyone else is too.
You can’t fully relax as you’re always on the lookout, protecting your fabrications or actions from the light of day and simultaneously suspecting others of doing the same. Not a lot of fun.
In contrast, speaking the truth strengthens you—it revitalizes your whole system and generates a subtle atmosphere of trust.
Trust is our greatest currency, the invisible thread that binds us, holding relationships, communities and whole societies together.
Communities thrive on their collective strength of trust.
One person’s truthfulness can inspire others, creating an environment where honesty and sincerity are the norms.
When you learn to speak the truth, even when it doesn’t serve your interests, you build a moral backbone and your words become valuable.
People can just instinctively sense you have integrity and relax around you.
Your word is your bond.
To be trusted is to be blessed and it’s only on the basis of trust that people can live and prosper together.
Without it, all you’re left with is force to make things happen and we know how that plays out.
This is why bending the truth also bends the rest of life out of shape.
What was the Buddha's position on all this?
It was clear.
His instructions were simple: make effort and train yourself not to lie.
But simple doesn’t mean easy.
The challenge of consistently being truthful rests on resisting the comfort of convenient lies.
Each honest word is like planting another good seed, they accumulate over time and eventually produce fruit in the form of a clean heart, a strong mind and solid ground to develop friendships on.
If we commit to truthful speech we not only become a trusted member of our community, but maybe more importantly we learn to trust ourselves.
And in the process, our self-confidence increases.
Because regardless of whatever else is happening, regardless of whether we are confused or wrong about something, we can stand firm in knowing that, we are not a liar.
Somehow this changes everything.
And if we lived in a better world, honesty would be celebrated like we celebrate sexual allure or financial success.
It takes courage to stay true, to become a “true individual” as my teacher puts it and it requires consistent effort, a kind of spiritual athleticism.
Learning from Brutal Experience
I recently watched this YouTube interview with a man from London who went to prison for gang-related crimes and spent 30 years inside after getting lost in the system.
He turned his life around after becoming Muslim and getting a hold of his speech.
I noticed he would catch himself mid-sentence just before exaggerating some old war story and say the phrase: “We speak the truth, even if it is against us.”
It impressed me.
He stuck to the facts. Clean and strong.
In a world that often celebrates deception, choosing truth is a courageous act.
Perhaps when you know how things can develop in a distorted way from one small lie, you avoid lying like it’s poison.
I’ve met many gangsters but very few who practice this kind of self-awareness after leaving that world.
This man has learned the hard way, safeguarding his dignity and future by embracing a code of transparency.
The Ethical Framework of Truth
The Buddha once said: “There is no evil that cannot be done by a person who deliberately lies.”
Deliberately lying is like planting a rotten seed that will produce rotten fruit.
When you continually degrade your ethical agency by being untruthful, eventually anything becomes possible —even things that would once have been unthinkable to you.
Lying lays the foundations for all manner of moral horrors to unfold. It’s a baby step towards misery.
The thing is, you don’t just decide to speak the truth overnight—it’s a process.
The Process of Learning to Be Honest
Learning to speak truthfully is part of the “training” in Buddhism. You will try and you will fail, until you succeed.
You might even go through phases of watching yourself lying and simultaneously cringing until you eventually resolve to change.
Each time you face the choice—to lie or not—you’re at a crossroads.
Whether you succeed or fail isn’t the point, the point is you have the genuine desire to transform your speech into something worthwhile.
This is the beauty of having a training, it’s not about beating yourself up for your failings, it’s about becoming the person you know you can become, one honest choice at a time.
But there is another side to all this, one that is often overlooked.
And that is, if someone apologises and confesses to us for lying, we need the ability to accept their confession with respect and care, like it is something precious.
When real remorse is experienced and expressed by someone, it’s usually a potent and transformative moment in their journey.
If it’s brave to speak the truth, then perhaps it’s just as brave to confess that we have been lying.
The last thing a person needs at this point is us getting on our high horse and lecturing them after they’ve found the courage to open up.
In the end, truthfulness is a lot more than just avoiding lies and it’s definitely not about fear of punishment, that’s not the flavour of Buddhism.
It’s about aligning your speech and communication with your core principles, creating harmony between your inner and outer worlds.
None of this is easy but again like Buddhism makes clear; if you plant bad seeds through selfish intentions, then the fruit will be rotten, regardless of you praying it was otherwise.
If you plant good seeds then the fruit is always good when it ripens, sometimes good in ways that you could never predict…sometimes in ways that feel like a miracle has happened in your life.
This is the power of understanding how karma works…
5 things you can do to transform your speech
1. The Daily Challenge of Truth
In your next conversation, make it a conscious practice to speak as truthfully and kindly as you can.
Notice when you feel tempted to exaggerate, hide something, or bend the truth. Instead, pause and choose honesty, even in small moments. Truth doesn't need to be harsh—in fact, the Buddha twinned truthful speech with kindly speech, it’s worth remembering that…
2. Ask Yourself: Why Am I Not Saying the Truth?
The next time you find yourself holding back or avoiding the truth, ask yourself: What am I afraid of?
Why am I avoiding saying this?
Is it fear of rejection, shame, or discomfort?
Confronting these reasons will help you understand what’s going on and why. It’ll give you a solid place to move from.
3. Reflect on the Consequences of a Lie
Before telling a lie, no matter how small, take a moment to reflect on its potential consequences. How might this affect your life, even subtly?
How might it affect your trust in yourself?
Will it lower your level of self respect?
Visualise the longer-term impact of your words, and ask if it’s worth damaging the foundation of trust.
4. Make a Commitment to Small Truths
Start with small, manageable commitments to honesty. Focus on areas where you tend to embellish or avoid the full truth—whether it’s at work, in social settings, or in relationships.
Practising honesty in these smaller moments can help develop the courage and clarity to be truthful when it matters most.
5. Practice Self-Compassion When You Fail…Which You Will
Speaking the truth is a practice, and like all practices, you will fail. When you catch yourself lying or withholding the truth, don’t ruminate on it and shame yourself.
Instead use it as an opportunity for insight into this area of your life. Reflect, make amends where possible, and recommit to speaking truthfully next time. It’s about progress, not the suffocation of trying to be perfect.
What is lying, really? White lies kinda feel like the glue holding society together, but where do we draw the line between something harmless and something that eventually bites us in the ass? It’s wild to think about how much of our reality is socially constructed—we create the world we live in, and in doing so, we shape what’s real, what’s true. How far can we push this idea before we start bending our shared truth out of shape?
All of this raises some seriously interesting questions. Thanks for the read!
Thank you for this, I like the variety content here:
anecdotes, bite sized lessons that convey things in an easy to understand yet thorough and detailed package and just the dharma in general. I particularly liked the 5 steps at the end, as they are easy to remember and quite a powerful tool for excercise!
Thank you for your effort and for posting these!